Sausage

I left sausage in

the fridge for a week, uncooked.

I had to toss it.

Mosquitos

I must really taste

like a goddamn ice cream cone

to these mosquitos.

Broccoli

You have stared for hours

at that piece of broccoli

but please, just eat it.

Refrigerators

Refrigerators

can only do so much to

prevent food spoilage.

I'd Like A Hot Dog

I'd like a hot dog.

Hold the bun, hold the ketchup.

Also, hold the dog.

Blinkers

Blinkers are helpful

but you choose not to use them.

What the fuck? USE THEM.

The Marathon Man

The Marathon Man

made my wife break out in hives.

She did not like it.

Banana Peel

Suddenly, I slip.

Fall. Bruised, both ego and ass.

A banana peel.

Your Giant Hummer

Your giant Hummer

is nearly impossible

to see and not wince.

Up On Blocks

Up on blocks, your car

is like a lawn ornament.

Only uglier.